They say it takes 5 compliments to overcome the sting of one criticism, but I need at least 10. I was reminded of this when I posted a video on YouTube that I made, documenting how I built my front porch. Since posting it 3 months ago, it has received over half a million views with 3,500 likes, no dislikes and 330 comments. Even though about 90% of the comments were complimentary, the criticisms kind of stung. Some days, people would say, “Great work,” “Well done, I picked up some great ideas, thanks,” “Fantastic job,” “Really enjoyed watching your project come together,” then on the same day someone would say, “I suggest you hire a carpenter,” or “Did you use an engineer for this? I don’t think so,” or “So many building code violations.” Which comments do you think stayed with me after I closed my laptop? That’s right, the negative ones. Why am I so quick to believe those and so slow to accept a pat on the back?
While criticisms are necessary for self improvement, we need a steady dose of authentic compliments and affirmations to shore up our confidence and keep our spirits high. That’s because our self esteem can be very fragile. We tend to be pretty hard on ourselves and exaggerate our faults, which makes it easy to accept disapproval from others as confirmation of our shortcomings.
Encouragement is the antidote for discouragement, but many times it is in short supply. It’s easier for our human nature to notice what’s wrong with people than to recognize the good in them. News broadcasts are mostly negative because bad news gets more attention and it’s more compelling than positive stories. Social media can be especially cruel with hateful slander.
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an
encouraging word cheers it up. (Proverbs 12:25).
It’s time we started to reverse the trend toward doom and gloom and shine some light in the darkness. Let’s take every opportunity we can to smile instead of frown, lift up instead of put down, and let people know you believe in them. Even come to their defense when needed. That’s what a couple guys did for me after somebody told me what I did wrong when building my porch. He ended his critique by saying, “I’m guessing you didn’t pull a permit and have this inspected. Don’t get upset when a thunderstorm wind gust rips the whole thing down.” Well, I did get a permit and it passed all 3 inspections. Here are a couple of replies to his comment:
“It depends on the jurisdiction. There’s always one clown, that’s you. Show some respect.”
“Really. That guy did a great job, guaranteed to outlast all of us and that loser has nothin’ better to do than try to pick it apart. What a loser.”
Guess what? That’s all I needed. My joy returned.
Dwell in His secret place 